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Archive for the ‘Division of Motion Picture Review’ Category

What the fuck?!?! Where are the zombies??? This is a post-apocalyptic film right??? Juuuust kidding, hopefully this will be a decent adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s 2006 Pulitzer Prize winning novel. Check the trailer after the break:

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Probably Michael Rapaport’s most brilliant performance ever. No fucking lie. I thought he was a pretty damn good actor prior to this, but now…wow… amazing film. Anyways in “Special”, Rapaport plays Les, an unfulfilled meter maid who enrolls in a drug study for an experimental anti-depressant.  Soon after taking his first dosage, Les begins to develop an unusual set of skills.  With these new skills, he quits his job to fight crime as a superhero. 

At first I was incredibly skeptical because I wasn’t sure if it was to be a comedy or drama, but it’s what most would call a dramady.  Very humorous, but incredibly emotional.  Watch it, see for yourself.  It’s been out for a while in Europe, but recently made it’s way to the states. Check the trailer out after the break:

BUY IT — ($23)

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Going Boldly Where Movie Films Have Never Gone Before (in recent years)…

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We, at the Ministry of Criticism, are not considered to be “Trekkies.” We were not sheltered as kids. Rather than having debates on the best captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise (or other ships), we were jumping our bikes off of homemade ramps and lighting things on fire. But, after seeing the latest Star Trek movie (directed by JJ Abrams), this has all changed. I can’t speak for the other members of the Ministry when I say this, but:

The newest Star Trek is the greatest movie I have ever seen.

Whew. That was a relief. I’ve been waiting a long time to say that. Moving on, I decided after seeing this masterpiece that I would indulge in the prior Star Trek classics (starting with Season 1 of the TV show). So far (thanks to the Xbox 360/Netflix partnership), I’ve watched 6 episodes, and I’m loving it.

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For every Trekkie I’ve talked to so far about my new obsession, they feel that the original series and The Next Generation are the best out of the mix – the rest are evidently “crap.” The most exciting thing about TNG for me isn’t that Patrick Stewart plays an excellent captain – it’s LeVar Burton. After being a Twitter nut, and remembering the Reading Rainbow days, I’ve really started to appreciate everything that LeVar has done, including Star Trek. For those of you with Twitter accounts, follow him: @levarburton.

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P.S. Oh yeah, Wil Wheaton, another TNG actor (played some little kid, evidently) is also on Twitter: @wilw.

Photos courtesy ofosylphstripes.blogspot.com, goremasternews.wordpress.com, and mp3.com, respectively.

GO SEE STAR TREK IMMEDIATELY!

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Diary of the Dead a film by George A. Romero is the absolute worst zombie movie I have ever seen. The movie is about a group of college kids trying to get home during a zompocalypse or an outbreak on H1Z1 if you will. But each character has to be the most annoying fuck on the face of the earth especially the main character, who won’t put down the camera for his life. I mean for fuck sake if a zombie is attacking you, wouldn’t you throw your camera down and kick some zombie ass? And if you answered no to the previous question you need to just go out and die already because no one is going to help you out in the event of a zompocalypse, in fact they will probably kill you themselves. But aside from that, zombie attacks in this film are a rare occurrence and are extremely shitty. The only bad ass character was this older guy at the end who started killing zombies with a bow and arrow which was just plain awesome. Don’t believe me? Check out the clip below:

Other than the awesome ownage in that scene, you can see how annoying some of the characters are, like the bitch running and screaming like an idiot into another room and right back out a second later, WTF!!!!

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If you are off today or are home sick with the H1N1 virus or you’re home “sick” pretending you have the H1N1 to get out of going to work then you should start off Pandemic Week with us by watching “Outbreak”.  Until I saw this movie, I wanted a monkey and could comfortably be around sick people in public places. Now I tend to steer clear of shopping malls and zoos.  Anyways, if you haven’t been convinced of the potential H1N1’s outbreak, you should watch this movie and live your life a little more panicked.  If anything you’ll have a good anxiety attack by the end.

BUY IT — ($10)

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This looks pretty fucking hilarious.
Ps. Note to anyone who would one day throw me a bachelors party similar to this… no tigers. Please. Maybe like an ocelot or tabby cat instead.

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By the end of the trailer, I thought I pissed myself, but I realized I had spilt my coffee in my lap while watching. Just kidding though.

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